By JOAN SOLEY
Observer Staff
March 19, 2008

If you don’t know who Potemkin was, it’s understandable. He was a Russian shyster who built Hollywood movie set-type villages to impress Catherine the Great on her visit to the Crimea in 1787. Potemkin threw up impressive housing facades, with nothing but wooden support beams and dirt behind them. Which brings me to Dubai; if you haven’t heard of the place, you are either Amish or have recently been found wandering a part of Asia, not entirely convinced WWII is over. Odd connection, you say? Allow me to explain.

I say Dubai, you – being a person with a pulse – say “oh yeah! The place with the 7-star hotel! The place with the man-made Palm Island! That place where they’re building the world’s tallest skyscraper!,” or some such noteworthy feature of the country. All of that is true; however, Dubai is more than a Travel Channel dream-come-true. One of seven Emirates, nestled on the Arabian Gulf, Dubai is where I once lived and worked.

The Chedi Hotel in Muscat, Oman. Photo by Joan Soley.

First, let me clarify one point; Dubai for tourists is a different kettle of fish all together. For a week or two, Europeans can stay at fabulous hotels, enjoy first-rate hospitality and catch some sun – all without breaking their Euro-filled piggybanks. (Side note – I don’t care how rich you are, it is not acceptable to play tennis in nothing but a Speedo. Someone please tell the Russians at the Ritz-Carlton. The sight of 300 lbs of hairy flesh moving at such a pace is enough to put anyone on the Atkin’s diet.)

On a recent trip back, I found Dubai unrecognizable in many aspects. I left a few years ago, as did so many of my friends and colleagues. In the time we all have been gone, Dubai has become globally trendy.

But at what cost? If you live in Dubai, you now have traffic problems comparable to D.C.’s Beltway - if a third of the world’s cranes were in use in the district as well as millions of people trying to commute to jobs daily. Yes: the traffic is really bad, and the driving ain’t too hot. Meet Mr. Migrant Laborer from Anywhere, India. He used to fix bicycles back home, and now drives trucks filled with propane tanks. Cue, the 60-odd vehicle accident that occurred while I was there.

So, like Potemkin, Dubai is quickly building anything and everything that might garner favorable and headline-grabbing attention. It looks great from the outside – and you’ll have plenty of time to admire their work as you’ll be sitting in traffic for hours. The other profound negative for residents, and by that I mean expats, is the soaring and often absurd cost of living. The majority of Dubai property is not for sale to anyone who is not an Emerati. So, you are a renter and they are landlords reigning supreme. As a couple, try finding a place to live for under $50,000 a year. Go on, I dare you.

Jumeirah beach, Dubai. Photo by Joan Soley.

BUT - in the spirit of a half-full glass - I would also like to offer a small list of things to do that even the poor U.S. Dollar earners can enjoy if visiting.

Drive OUT of Dubai and keep on truckin’ – Get in the four-wheel drive and get out of Dubai as there are other Emirates to see and gas is so cheap you’ll want to cry. The UAE is comprised of: Abu Dhabi, Ajman, Dubai, Fujairah, Ras al-Khaimah, Sharjah, and Umm al-Quwain. Abu Dhabi is actually the capital, and is an island. Fujairah has great snorkeling, scuba diving and all things water-related. Unlike Dubai, you can enjoy the breathtaking water and no building materials will float past you. Ok, they don’t float – they sink, and are rapidly ruining the beaches of Dubai as they wash up. On the upside, Dubai beaches might single-handedly bring jelly shoes back ‘in.’

Barter/Argue Shopping – Speaking of other Emirates, the Blue Souk of Sharjah is enormous, beautiful and air-conditioned. Filled to the hilt with little shops selling pashminas, silk linens, this-n-that, have a huge cup of Turkish coffee (also known as rocket fuel) – and get ready to barter your butt off. Some call it an art form; I call it something I like letting my mother do. She’s hardcore. Thanks to her, I own shawls of pure cashmere that sell for 900 times the prices in Saks.

The Sharjah Blue Souk. Photo by Joan Soley.

Oman, where people speak Arabic – Grab your passport and head to Oman. You’ll hit the border and need to cough up a bit of cash for the visa – but after that, it’s smooth sailing (driving) into a beautiful country of dunes, mountains and ocean. About three hours from Dubai is Muscat, the Omani capital. Treat yourself to a stay at the Chedi hotel. The Chedi sits on a pristine beach, and offers an impressive black tiled pool. It’s not cheap, so try to eat outside of the hotel.

“Genuine fake, Madam” – Oh, I just love Karama. It’s an area in Dubai of knock-off heaven. BUT do not attempt to drive there, get a taxi. The construction has made it nearly impossible to find the place – I can testify to this. I went to the airport three times by accident. But when the taxi magically drops you off near the pink fish market at one end, you should reward yourself with some serious shopping. Again, get ready to barter. Chanel, Juicy, Dolce and Prada are all waiting for you.

Ski in Dubai. Photo by Joan Soley.

Ski Dubai and Brunch/Buffet Offers – Located in the Mall of the Emirates, Ski Dubai is amusing and affordable. What else can I say? You can ski, snowboard or just throw snowballs in the middle of a mall in the desert. For about $42, you get all the gear and a 2-hour pass for the slopes. Once you’re done with all that healthy living malarkey, grab a copy of Time Out Dubai (published weekly) and see where all the deals are for food and drink. The brunches and all-you-can-eat-and-drink deals will blow your mind and any non-elasticized trousers. It is the only way to affordably enjoy all the restaurants and bars in Dubai – and they have Ladies Night every other day basically. If you decide to ignore my advice and hit your hotel’s bar for a few drinks, you will easily pay $10 for a pint of beer.

Now time for a disclaimer of sorts; I love Dubai. For all the (insert rude word) headaches it can give, it gives back a way of life unlike any other. That’s what I said to the maid anyway, when I headed out to the beach for some sun one afternoon. I need a bit of a tan to highlight my new white Versace jeans I planned on wearing to free-champagne-for-ladies later that night. Dubai isn’t your ordinary Middle East, people. Kudos to them.