Laura Sessions' new book, "Unhooked."
Photo courtesy of the author.

by JACQUELINE McCLURE

Welcome to the world of hooking up – where all bets are off in the game of love. Everyone has his or her own definition of the act. However, Washington Post reporter Laura Sessions Stepp calls it “the ability to unhook from a partner at any time, just as someone might delete an old song on his iPod or an out-of-date ‘away’ message on his computer.”

She spent the past year hanging out with eight young women and learning about their sexual escapades. She tells the American Observer what she’s discovered through writing her new book, “Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose at Both.”

Q: When did you first notice the term “hooking up” becoming part of conversations?
A: Probably 2002. I was writing about teenagers at the time, and I heard it from either my son’s friends or kids I was interviewing.

Q: Everyone defines hooking up differently, but why are young adults so detached from thinking about term when it’s happening to them?
A: I think the term hooking up is convenient. You’re able to maintain some sense of privacy about what you did until it gets around on campus. Hooking up can mean anything.

Q: As humans we all want to be connected to someone, but why do you think female students participate in this risky behavior?
A: The sense that we can do anything guys can do. It’s led to the idea that not only can we do things guys can do, but we can do it better. Also, parents who have raised young women say that guys come second and career comes first. Girls are also self-motivated that way, and there is then a pressure for women to excel. It’s a sense of, “I don’t have time for the emotions, but hooking up temporarily satisfies those needs.”

Q: In the beginning of your book, the character Alicia says, “Our generation is wonderfully outspoken, but it’s time we learned to listen as well.” What are the similarities and differences with her generation compared to yours?
A: We were outspoken, but the difference was that there was still a dating structure in place. There was some casual sex, but it was by no means the normal behavior. Most people in college at that time still dated, or if they didn’t, they wanted to date. There were a number of women then who thought they would get married right out of college, and that was not uncommon back then. Most of us were pretty conventional back then.

Q: When did the cultural shift of waiting for marriage to hook up happen? Do you think feminism sparked the evolution of hooking up, or has there been another occurrence we’ve overlooked?
A: I do think the feminism and the desire to be equal to guys is part of what’s behind this. And I have to be careful when I say that because I am a feminist and have fought for equal rights. I think what women confused it with is that equal means being the same. Feminism and the women’s movement were all about choice; we didn’t need to all make the same choices. That’s what I worked for — the ability to choose and not feel forced into one or the other behavior.

Q: In the book, you said young men were encouraged to play the field while women were supposed to save their reputations and bodies for marriage, but now women are players too. How are we expected to fix this problem of girls being players when it takes two to tango? Is it possible to revert back to the 1960s mentality of waiting?
A: I think there are men out there that want to be in relationships and aren’t fans of hooking up. I really truly believe that if a guy is interested in you, and you don’t want to hook up with him, he will still be interested in you and maybe even more. It can happen. I don’t have a crystal ball here on what will happen down the road, but if enough young women said, ‘This sucks, and I don’t want this anymore,’ guys will wise up to it.

Q: Is it ever possible for women to have sex like some men, with no strings attached? Do you still think they have an emotional connection?
A: I think some women can. I just don’t think most women are that way. Certainly, there are women like that. It’s an issue of power. They realize they can play the game, but they don’t want to.

Q: What type of advice would you give girls before they go out with their girlfriends?
A: To talk to each other about what you want to do and what you don’t want to do before you go out. Stick to your plan. Based on past experiences, help your girlfriends look for what they want. I think girls have a lot of power with their girlfriends if they use them. Watch out for each other instead of saying, “Well he’s hot, so how about you hook up with him.” Part of being a good friend is trying to make sure your friend doesn’t make a big mistake.

Q: How would you suggest young women go about finding a partner outside of the bar?
A: That is a real challenge. You meet them at school, at the job, or you join a club. A bar is an OK place to meet, but then say, “OK, let’s catch a movie,” or “Are you going to the football game tomorrow?” The first step is getting outside of the bar, getting sober, and then seeing if you still like him. At least then it’s a sober choice and not some drunken mistake.