Photo courtesy of Jamie Kirkness
Jamie Kirkness kept her last name when she married Justin Howard in 2006.

A new study shows more women are taking their husband’s names when they marry

by ROBIN BRAVENDER

Kim Kuzawa, a 23-year-old schoolteacher in a Chicago suburb, will become Kim Smith in April. Initially her fiance, Jim Smith, had decided to take her name. “He’s so sick of being Jim Smith,” Kuzawa said. When Smith’s family found out, they were insulted by his decision, she said. Even though Smith encouraged her to keep her maiden name, Kuzawa said she “wanted some unity” in their family, so she plans to change her last name to Smith.

In contrast, 23-year-old Jamie Kirkness of Seattle kept her last name when she got married last year. “I always wanted to keep my last name,” she said. When Kirkness first told her husband, Justin Howard, she planned to keep her name, “he definitely showed a little concern,” she said. She described his family’s reaction to her decision as one of shock. However, she said, Howard was supportive of her decision.

The decision whether to change their name when they marry is a personal issue for many women. For some, it seems the natural thing to do and taking their husband’s name symbolizes forming a unified family. Others who choose to retain their names do so for reasons ranging from preserving their status in their careers to feeling like their names are vital parts of their identities.

Recent studies have shown that more women are taking their husbands’ names when they marry than in the 1990s. For some, this decision is based on their feeling that there is no longer a symbolic need for women to keep their surnames — they believe that the gender gap is closing and that women are opting for the unity and simplicity that comes from sharing a name with their families. In other cases, pressures from their husbands’ families or tradition influence their decisions.

“I’m sure it’s hard for anybody to change their name,” said Brooke Spaulding, 23, of Stevensville, Mich. Formerly Brooke Bond, Spaulding said she changed her name when she married in September of last year out of tradition and respect for his family.

“It was never an option to have him take my name,” said Spaulding. “That seems kind of weird to us.”

Julie Wilkins, 25, is a social service director for a nursing home in Goshen, Ind. Until last year, she was Julie Swartzmiller. “I was excited to get rid of that last name,” she said. For Wilkins, the decision to take her husband’s last name was “mostly about tradition.”

“It makes the whole marriage more concrete,” she said. There was very little discussion about it because it was the natural thing to do, she said.

Most women still take their husband’s names when they get married. According to a 2004 Harvard study, only 17 percent of women who married in 2000 kept their surnames, down from 23 percent in 1990.

Another study, coauthored in 2005 by Diana Boxer, a professor of linguistics at the University of Florida, found a similar trend.

Some of Boxer’s data were gathered in a class she teaches about women and gender studies at the University of Florida. She was surprised by their responses.

Keeping their last names “hadn’t even occurred to them,” she said. “I just don’t understand it.”

Kim Gandy, president of the National Organization for Women, questioned the trend. She said she hasn’t seen a remarkable rise in the number of women taking their husbands’ names.

Women have a lot more independence now than they did in the 1980s, Gandy said, making it less important for them to make a statement. Gandy kept her last name when she got married.

Women have indisputably gained independence in recent years. According to 2003 census data, women now have higher rates of high school completion than men and the rate of women obtaining bachelors’ degrees is rising faster than that of men. Census data analyzed by The New York Times showed that 51 percent of women lived without spouses in 2005, the highest known record of women living independently.

In spite of these gains, many men still expect their wives to take their names.

It is “disappointing that so few men are willing to change their names” when they get married, Gandy said.

Craig Benjamin, 27, of Seattle, married Stacy Lefebzre in Sept. 2006. The couple talked about the name change prior to the marriage, Benjamin said, but “it wasn’t like a big philosophical discussion or anything.” He said it “would have made no difference” to him if Stacy had wanted to keep her last name, but “she wanted to change it.” He said having the same name “makes us feel like we’re a family.”

But Benjamin said he would not have been willing to take his wife’s name. “I know it sounds weird, but it’s my last name,” he said. “I guess she could say the same thing.”

The fact that very few men do take their wives’ names means women are left with what can be a difficult decision. Women’s achievements, such as increased education and marriage later in life, have complicated their decisions further.

According to the Harvard study, the strongest factors that influence a woman’s decision are whether she has an advanced degree, her age when she marries and her age when she has her first child. Woman with doctorate or medical degrees were 25 percent less likely to have changed their names; women who married later or had children later were also less likely to have taken their husband’s names.

It “can be a real disadvantage” for a woman to change her name after establishing herself professionally, Gandy said. “People can’t find them.”

Linda Gebauer, 51, a patent attorney in Milford, Conn., changed her name to Mayer when she married 32 years ago. That marriage lasted seven years, during which time Gebauer finished law school. After the divorce, she changed her name back to Gebauer with confusing consequences: she had to send her transcripts to potential employers, but they had different names on them.

When she remarried, Gebauer decided to keep her last name. After the difficulties she experienced changing her name back and forth the first time, she told herself, “I’m not gonna let go of this,” she said.

Her career was part of the reason Jodie Grunbaum did not change her last name when she married Michael Kirshenbaum in December 2006. Grunbaum, 32, works for an advertising company in New York. Another factor was her desire to retain her identity.

“That was my name for 32 years,” she said. “It doesn’t make me love my husband any less.” Grunbaum said that her husband’s family was surprised by her decision, but Kirshenbaum was “cool with it.” Grunbaum does plan to take her husband’s name later when they have kids.

The fact that so many women have made names for themselves in their careers shows how much they have progressed since the 1970s, when the trend began.

Despite these gains, Boxer disagrees with the idea that women have achieved complete equality. “Power structures in society die hard,” she said.

She said one of her daughters recently told her, “We no longer have anything to prove.”

But Boxer disagrees. “We ain’t there yet,” she said.

She thinks women should think carefully before they decide to change their last names, she said, “The symbolic power of a name is really big.”

For now, Boxer said, women will continue to do the changing. It’s “one of the things we’ve always done best,” she said.